Gestatation
Tomorrow I will go to the West Bank to participate in a three-day training workshop to facilitate dialogue between Palestinians and Israelis. There will be four Israelis, one international (myself) and thirteen Palestinians as well as the trainers - three Europeans and the organizers – an Israeli (Danny), a Palestinian and a couple from the US whose vision it was to start this organization and who continue to shepherd and fund its way forward.The event will take place in what Danny calls West Bank “light”. An area just past an Israeli checkpoint that is fairly secure and can still be accessed by Palestinians and Israelis – meaning that the wall still hasn’t reached there yet.
I am told that in the most part it is a safe area. There is, of course, always a chance of an untimely bombing while going through the check-point. And, it is still after all, the West Bank. That being said, I was there last year and it was fine. Why then do I feel a bit anxious?
On our drive home tonight, Danny mentioned that one of the participants' brothers was a suicide bomber and had likely killed many people including himself. I asked if he was worried about him attending. He said no, he wasn’t worried. He just felt that it could be a bit loaded if it comes up. He said that it is uncertain whether it will be talked about and if we will even know who he is amongst the participants.
I probed further about security. Are you sure about him? What if he or someone else hears about the event and wants to sabotage it? He assured me that people have better targets than to blow-up a hotel in the West Bank with a number of Palestinians present.
I felt better but not completely at ease. While the chances are likely small, it is still possible that something could happen. Then again i could also get hit by a car, right? Somehow though, the reality of what i am embarking on hit me this evening. And, it made me really question why am I doing this. Of course, this wasn’t an entirely new insight, but somehow I hadn’t felt the reality as intensely before.
So why then am I doing this?
The more I get involved in this work the more I will open myself up to increased risk. I am training to be a facilitator of these processes. What am I signing myself up for?
It is not an easy question to answer. Something inside of me feels that I need to do this. Something inside of me can’t just sit by and say that I’m too scared. Something inside of me feels that it will all be OK. Am I naïve?
Part of me just wants to learn to be a good facilitator -- to have the capacity to create safe spaces where real change can happen. I am fascinated by how to bring about large-scale systemic change in society. As, I am sure, many people in my line of work (sustainability) are. This isn’t about large-scale change though, or trying to solve macro issues. This is about bringing small groups of people together to connect as individuals, not as Palestinians, or Israelis, or Internationals, but to meet each other as people and to realize our common humanity. Something about this moved me when Danny first told me about this process in Vienna. It was just after we met and before I had any idea that we would become a couple. I listened to him with intense emotion. I told him that I wasn’t sure how, but I felt that somehow this conversation had just changed my life. At that point, I had no idea of how things would unfold.
And now, here I am, living in a small agricultural village in Israel with Danny and his two non-English speaking children. Crazy, or what?
So, back to the question of "why".
Am I doing this because just because of Danny? I don’t think so.
Perhaps I can’t understand why just yet. Perhaps it is just a feeling that will sit with me and gestate for a while longer. Is it a calling? I am not sure. But something inside of me feels compelled to do this and I guess the answers will come when they are ready.
posted by Heather Worosz @ 11:44 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home